Monday, April 21, 2008

Being A Mom

I had a great day with my son today and really enjoy being a Mom. Being a Mother is food in their belly, clothes on their back and a roof over their head, but if there is no unconditional love, respect, comfort, safety and ...you are failing. They have to know it and feel it every day. They need to know that you are going to be there through thick & thin and no matter what love them at the end of each day. You have to tell them and show them with your actions, with your life choices with the surroundings you provide them and you have to do it unselfishly. This is their time and it's your privledge to share it with them if you so choose. I so choose! I love to watch him explore and grow into a person. I have one chance to make this world and life all it can be for him and I have every intention to do just that regardless of the obstacles or people who try to get in the way.

Being a Mom is a lot of hard work and a lot of tough decisions to be made that I realize I will be making for the rest of my life and I hope to make all the best choices with few wrong ones along the long road. From the moment we found out I was pregnant my whole world changed. The obvious things change; my body, my mood and waiting for those 12 weeks to pass safely and then the 6 long months to follow. And so the worry and concern began and hasn't ended. Everything has been about Kyle from that minute on. Everything I do, say, feel, decide on becomes about how will this affect my child. It changes a person; hopefully for the better because it's not about you anymore, it's about something much more important, a new life. This is the most important job I've ever had and I can say with certainty it's the job I've been waiting for. From the moment he was born (and before that) I started to realize that a little life was to depend on me for the next 18 years at least and I hope for many years after that he'll come to me and need me in his life as someone to always count on, lean on and share life with. I plan to build a lasting relationship and strong foundation with and for my son. His Daddy and I want nothing but the best for him and want our love and support of each other and him to be ever present.

I hope to always be learning, teaching, living life to its fullest and being a good example for my son. I hope that he will look at me someday and be proud of who his mother is. I plan to be proud of the mother I am and will grow to be each day. I plan to be soft and loving and tough and strict creating a healthy balance. I hope for these things in our relationship; love, trust, friendship, caring, nurturing, knowledge, health, wisdom, laughter, adventure, respect, boundaries, rules, listening, talking and most of all happiness. I am aware of the challenges ahead and the challenges unforeseen. I promise to continue to learn and grow from being a mother. I promise to listen to my son when he speaks and speak to my son so he'll listen. I promise to never believe I know it all and know that I will be growing and learning with him as well. I have learned so much from him in 20 months. I have learned to be strong, strength that I never knew I had in me. I have learned to be confident and humble. I have learned to be less stubborn, more forgiving and look at things from a new point of view. I am learning to love life, good bad and indifferent and how to handle the best of times along with the worst of times. I am learning not to judge, because being judged does not feel good. And while I will not judge others, I do not have to respect their decisions. I will do what's right for my family. I've learned that I do have choices, choices have been made for me in the past, but they don't decide my future....I decide my future. I will help shape my sons future and I can feel good about that, not fear it. I want to be better, I always want to be better tomorrow than I was yesterday. I will make mistakes and I will learn from them and grow from them not let them take me down and define who I am as a person or mother. I love my son more than I've loved anything and I love him enough to be a better human being. I love him unconditionally. I will be sorry and say it and mean it if I'm wrong and I'll keep an open mind to listen to those who are important to me and who I respect, not just those who validate me right or wrong. I will be better than what I've known and while what I've known has hurt me and made me feel broken, it also makes me who I am and makes me want to be stronger and better. I will always tell my son the truth and not keep secrets, honesty will set you free. I will remember that I am being watched, that I am to set the example not to dictate. That I am to be what I want for my son, not tell him what to be. That I will share in his triumphs and cry with his sorrows. That I will laugh with him and hold him during his tears to let him know he is always loved.

Kyle, you are amazing. You are bright, funny, beautiful, exciting, lovable, full of life, adventure and bravery to name only a few. You are the future. You will be anything you want to be. Daddy and I will always be here for you, whatever you may need and I hope to give you all the tools you'll ever need to be successful and happy in life. My pledge to you my darling. I will protect you from any heartache that I can protect you from and keep you safe within my means while still allowing you to be you. I love you always.

1 comment:

Christen said...

Whoa, Er. That was deep.