....my last post totally sucked! It was late, I was tired (as I mentioned 500 times). Anyway, Dad is doing much better and my emotions have regained consciousness! Although after 5 nights in the Hospital the poor man came home with a stomach bug! Aye Aye Aye! Spring is starting to peek out around here; more sun in my life means a happier me! And you know what they say " When Mom's happy, we're all happy" ha ha ha I have jumped the gun with planting this year again, as I do every year...but this year I made the smart move of planting INDOORS! I will post some pics later and continue to show the success of the window plants. Veggies are in the office window (the cats do not approve to being kicked out of their sunny spot) and already been replanted into larger pots due to their success and some pots with flower seeds are sunning themselves in the upstairs bedrooms. I am determined to have a garden from seed this year and I'm off to a pretty good start! Kyle has a hand in the project too and helped planting some last week and re-pot them last night. Although about 3 plants deep he finds himself bored and announces "I quit" ! I actually don't know where he gets that...not like some of his other sayings that we can take credit for; "well, would you look at that" or "For crying out loud, Kara" or "giggetty gigetty" (yes all you Family Guy fans you read that correctly and yes I know I'm going to hell for it)
In other news, Matt is back to work full-time! Meaning, he is out of the office, up on the roofs, driving 200 miles a day and as some of you might remember he was cramping my style at home come the end of winter......the truth is...I miss him :) Chris - if I get the guts to come to Miami you can slap me for that!
Thursday, March 12, 2009
11:38 pm....I've never been great at sleeping, but Nick @ Nite usually does the trick. Not tonight. Not sure why it worked last night because last night was more frightening...or maybe not. My ramblings will eventually come full circle I swear. This is the mind of a tired, scared, anxiety ridden daughter. I'm blessed to say that I have never been very directly touched by death. I have had people who I love dearly die and I think of them often I really do...but I have not had to directly be involved in true grief. I am thankful for this. I have watched my closest friends suffer through and wonder "how the hell will I ever do this" But I realize I am not off the hook forever. I believe something has prevented this so far because something knows how much I will not handle it well. (please be reminded that I am tired and rambling and if you are reading you are most likely confused at this point) No one is dying. But I am scared. My Dad is the greatest and he is not well. He is not dying! I have not often thought of him as being mortal to be honest. I don't allow myself to do so. I evoke The Secret when the thoughts creep in and think of something positive to offset the negative. Sometimes the negative thoughts just find their way in. Most often at 11:45 at night when Family Matters is on and isn't enough to keep my mind occupied. I find myself staring at Matt. Staring at Kyle. How would I survive. I know, they are terrible, awful mind numbing thoughts but if I don't get them out of my head they eat me alive. I am blessed, I am very truly blessed. I am thankful for all that I have and don't often think of these dreary things. When I give my Dad a kiss and he's sitting in a hospital bed at 60 yrs old hacking up a lung it makes me think. It really makes me think. It makes me rage. It makes me wish I'd gone to medical school. For this one moment in time had I gone to medical school. Is the Internet serious? Why do we have access to all this information and thank goodness we have access to all this information. Helpless, it's a shitty feeling. I make no sense, I realize. I have many things to be happy and thankful for, I know. Things could most certainly be worse....but it makes ya think.
Wednesday, March 4, 2009
This is the thought of the day/month or at least until the spring actually arrives... Please allow this images to flood your minds and visualize them until the spring appears. Come on, I'm counting on you! spring
"Ok, so were weren't once dancers exactly...but I like this picture!"
Matt and I both hurt our backs...his is slightly more serious as a possible slipped disk whereas mine is from too much shoveling and dancing. Either way, we were both limping, bent over, heating pads, aches, moans, growls yesterday as we slid into position on the couch. As he turned the corner into the living room I had a flash forward to us in say 60 years? At least that gave us a good laugh. Remind me to pick up some prunes! As 31 rapidly approaches I realize we are only out of commission for a couple of days and have many years until being cane bound. Thank goodness for young and spry Auntie Erin living next door and Mammy to take on the little 32lb monster yesterday afternoon! Today is a bit better and I decided not to sit on the couch and feel bad for myself today, today I will go about the household chores loaded with Advil telling myself "I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful" "I said good morning, Gill" (movie line, anyone? Brian?) That oughtta do it!